I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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