i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
