i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
