Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
