big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
