Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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