I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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