I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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