She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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