if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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