I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
