Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
