I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
