Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
