I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
