I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
