I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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