Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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