Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
