he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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