I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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