There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
