i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
