What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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