In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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