At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
