Will you blow on my dice?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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