bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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