I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So squirting runs in the family.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
