I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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