I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
