Buhtt sex?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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