Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
