The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
