omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
