dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
