it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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