After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The ass gains better be worth it
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