tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
