i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
