Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
