Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
