HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
