If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
