If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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