thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You smell like stripper and shame
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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