Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
