Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
