if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I smell stomach acid.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
