His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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