I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
