I love black thongs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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