Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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