I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Actions speak louder than pants.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
