My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
