either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So vagazzling was a success
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
