you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
